Vaani Agrawal
There are days when the world feels unbearably heavy. Piled up expectations , whirling thoughts that refuse to settle, accompanied chaotic silence that leaves you rather empty than at peace. On days like those, I like to spend some time getting lost in the sky where I often wonder what it would be like to simply leave it all behind. I’ve rigorously wondered why the idea of flying feels so comforting, but maybe it was never the flight but almost always the sense of freedom it reflected. The sky asks nothing of you. It doesn’t judge your mistakes or expect perfection, it just simply lets you be you after all, life is to live not to exist. Whenever life feels overwhelming, my mind wanders to that thought. Freedom is a strange thing. We spend our lives searching for it in places, in people, in passions, and sometimes even within ourselves. Yet it never feels as liberating as it should feel. What if that release had been soaring above me all along.
If I was a bird, my wings would take me to a higher height allowing me to soar close to the sun before anyone else, to bask in the warmth and light, fully embracing my freedom. I would float away for sometime from all my problems, just to abate the tension. I would fly back in time to watch over my confusing journey, to analyze the change within me.
Deep amongst my reserved personality which I cover up as a craving for peace, lies an exceptionally outgoing child. As a kid, I wore my confidence effortlessly ; naturally drawn towards public speaking which I used as my vocal weapon–the independent way by which I grasped the exotic concepts I was introduced toIf you knew me, you would know social.
As I grew up, I noticed the little things people tend to miss, until, which sounds fascinating , all until it took the best of me. This positive nature started becoming something more deep, except, in a concerning way. Picture it like this ; When I went out there and flapped my wings with the sole purpose to go higher into the sky, but this time I kept getting startled by the tiny clouds that surrounded me– the same clouds that I had confidently ascended through earlier. I started noticing the needless things, the habitual actions that were performed by the audience, but it didn’t just end after getting off the stage, my thoughts traced far beyond the auditorium. To me, these seemingly small actions were loud even when they weren’t supposed to matter much. It felt messy and as someone who was very organized, I was far more than just overstimulated, that is when I turned to writing. With time it unknowingly became my safe space. It occurred to me that the paper I pour my heart out into won’t utter a single word, neither to others , nor to itself. This was the silence I was searching for , one without judgement or meddling –it is this very silence that was reassuring , for I felt like I could be as eloquent as I wanted and the paper, in a way, would just listen and that was all that I longed for.
Over time, I became content with myself and started being outspoken. This was the peace I used to disguise unease for. The same mistakes that would shatter me seemed to have a zilch of an impact on me, as for times when some obstacles made me feel even remotely close to upset, I perceived them as a challenge approaching them as an opportunity to grow. Like a phoenix, I would rise from the ashes, stronger and more radiant.
I used to want to fly, but because I wanted to escape, whether that be from my problems or from the world itself. Now, I decided that if I was a bird, I would fly away to be with myself, not away from myself. When the weight of my thoughts felt heavy, I would fly away, somewhere safe, somewhere sane. I would glide through the sky and leave the heaviness there. When I needed space, I would dive into the beguiling sky, to feel free and to heal my mind.
If I was a bird, I would surely flutter into the wind, allowing it to take me places that I have always wanted to go. No school, no deadlines, no time restraint, not a single worry about ,just hovering around worldwide and taking as much time with it as I want.
So yes, if I was a bird I would take full advantage of me and my abilities. Maybe, that’s what I should be doing with my life; making full use of my potential and living life to the fullest. But again, won’t it all be so much easier, all if I was a bird?
